


In-Betweens

by nanisorero (miriam_lee)



Series: Words I've Never Heard, Things I'd Have Preferred [3]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29092248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miriam_lee/pseuds/nanisorero
Summary: Some extras, describing selected events that took place in the 5-year gap between two previous parts of the series,Reset to DefaultandIn Limbo.
Relationships: Adachi Tohru/Narukami Yu
Series: Words I've Never Heard, Things I'd Have Preferred [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787008
Comments: 17
Kudos: 32





	1. Epistolary Romance Achievement

**Author's Note:**

> I'm at a ridiculous point where I sometimes have dumb headcanons to the series or thoroughly plan some past events but have no room for flashbacks in the main fic, so.. I thought I'd make some room here instead, in case anyone would be interested in reading them.
> 
> Each 'chapter' is a standalone, finished mini-fic. More to be added, I guess, since I love to work on something different when I feel blocked in the IL doc.

The paper was always yellowish, ink – somewhat smudged, but handwriting – impeccable.

Adachi would never start with any sort of greetings but rather jump right to the topic, making each of his letters feel much like a note, written in the most casual circumstances. As if they actually met just a few hours ago and he had the chance to say ‘hi’ in person before handing over the envelope. Or as if they were exchanging these ‘notes’ a few times a day, rendering the greetings redundant.

For some reason, Yu found comfort in this crude habit and the illusions it created for him.

The very first letter was so short it could’ve fit on a couple of address lines on the envelope. Just a few words about the two books that he didn’t like much – nothing else. Yu replied to it with a page worth of text – a shrewd balance of questions and general news – but the answer was still short; half of the questions ignored, most of the news left without a reaction.

Yu pressed on and sent another long letter. Then did it again, and again.

Gradually, more and more of the things he talked or asked about were getting at least some sort of attention. Soon he realized that he was _getting_ questions here and there in return, too. The number of lines was slowly increasing as was the number of lighthearted digs.

Once, Yu vaguely asked for some tips on maintaining the model gun – failing to provide the same sort of high-grade care it had been receiving from the owner felt somewhat wrong – and couldn’t help but chuckle at the 2 pages-long instructions he was sent just a few days later.

Adachi rarely answered fast, though. Usually, he took a week or even two – as if it were he, who had to balance full-time high school, cram school and a part-time job. But it didn’t frustrate Yu, because for him there was something precious in the wait itself. Something that made him feel the quiet excitement every time he checked the mailbox and put a smile on his face when he did find an envelope inside.

Yu continued to send books too – both fiction and non-fiction ones. He didn’t always have the chance to give them a read first, so some books were a gamble based on the comments he found online. But after such “gamble books” proved to be the best review material, Yu took the liberty of sending Adachi something completely random from time to time.

The reason was simple: Adachi wasn’t ever eager to share his contentment with something, so the reviews on the books he probably did like more or less were concise and dry. The books that he didn’t like, however, deserved a much better treatment. He’d write a few paragraphs of detailed grumbling that started from something quite straightforward in the vein of “care to tell me why you sent me that trash, kid, huh?” and ended with “seriously, I would’ve never finished this crap if I had other things to do here. Did they _really_ make a movie out of this? Idiots.”

In his reply, Yu would wonder why the reviews that he claimed to have checked out online – but hadn’t really – weren’t bad and promise he’d be careful with the choice in future.

But wouldn’t resist repeating the same trick in a few months just to enjoy reading the lengthy and emotional reply once again.

###

From how identical the tidy sheets of paper always looked, Adachi could tell that the kid had bought some stationary package just for writing him letters. Which seemed utterly ridiculous on its own.

At the start, he didn’t expect the even more ridiculous “pen-pal” game to last any longer than a couple of months. He believed that Yu’s suggestion was just a whim of a teenager, who was after some 'epistolary romance' achievement or something. Adachi couldn’t deny the fact that having your “crush” end up in jail wasn’t a very common life experience and decided he could humor the kid for a while.

To invest real effort in this game – this seemed a bit too much though. Knowing that this is something that would definitely come to an end sooner or later – when the kid’s feelings cool down and he gets accustomed back to his city life, he guessed – Adachi hated the mere idea of eventually appearing a naive idiot, who took everything serious.

That’s why he purposefully kept his letters as short and casual as possible. And every time he sent such a concise answer, in his mind he was already saying farewell to this whole silly endeavor, believing he wouldn’t receive a reply next time.

And yet he would get it, again and again.

Yu was literally redefining the word ‘persistence’ for him by leading the seemingly hopeless conversation and fighting for the completely useless bond week after week, month after month. His letters didn’t feel forced in any way and flowed naturally, without ever criticizing the reticent replies. And while at times his book choice made no sense whatsoever, Adachi secretly welcomed each and every possibility to put his mind off his own “routine”.

Although he knew about Yu’s busy schedule, Adachi gradually started to assign his stubborn actions to boredom and loneliness. The kid didn’t seem to have the same sort of a crew in the city and the Investigation Team probably couldn’t boast a lot of free time to regularly keep in touch now either. This theory made things clearer and also pushed the end of their game off to next spring latest: Adachi was convinced that as soon as Yu would start getting the law enforcement degree – which he needed for a graduate law school – he’d get on with his life and forget about the meaningless hobby he once had.

Only Yu didn’t get on with anything and continued to send him books and letters even months after passing the exams and enrolling in the university in Tokyo. Adachi saw no other choice but to stop searching for the reasons and motives at that point because there didn’t seem to be _any at all_. Instead, he had to settle for the “that’s just how crazy the kid is” kind of explanation.

He also had to confusedly admit that his own letters were now less reserved and somewhat richer in content. This wasn’t something he’d consciously afforded, but rather something he didn’t even notice happening over the many months. As a sort of compensation for this, however, he was still deliberately putting off the day he’d send every reply, despite mostly writing them within the first few days after receiving Yu’s letter.

The end of this game was no longer in sight for him. He knew he could safely end it himself by just stopping to reply: Yu sure was persistent but not a spineless moron without pride, who’d keep knocking on the door that was shut tight. But shutting it felt like folding – and Adachi had enough of doing that in his life.

So as long as the kid would keep the game going, he figured he could go on with it as well.


	2. 29 years 12 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is obviously dedicated to the date of publishing, so happy birthday, dork. I'll do my best to make your 33rd different in this AU.

“One to Yaso-Inaba at 8 in the morning on February 1st.”

The clerk on the other side of the box-office glass took his eyes off the monitor.

“I’m sorry, sir,” he bent an eyebrow, “could you please repeat the date?”

“February 1st.”

“This.. is almost in a month.”

Yu nodded in confirmation.

Still confused, the clerk turned back to the monitor and started to register a ticket for a regular commuter train. Soon he declared a total, Yu put a couple of coins down, and took a small ticket.

“Thank you.”

While walking away from the box office of Tokyo’s central railway station, he was still looking at the paper piece in his hand. The documented proof that this time, he’s going to keep the promise from 2 years ago.

***

Adachi was turning 30 in a month. From what Yu could gather in the letters, he wasn’t much fond of the approaching figure and planned to switch to his personal numeric system as of February.

_“Ever heard those crazy moms at playgrounds boast how their kid is “18 months old”? I used to think – the heck is that, a math exercise? Can’t you just say he’s ‘a year and a half’?? But now I think they’re just afraid of their kid growing up too fast, that’s it. That’s why they avoid saying ‘year’ as long as possible and choose vaguer, milder ‘months’ instead…_

_So, you know what – 29 years 12 months? Why the hell not, it’s totally legit, right?”_

It was easy to tell that the date wasn’t an alluring perspective for Adachi, so Yu wanted to make the day somewhat more tolerable for him by paying the visit that he had promised long ago. Even though Adachi had never brought this promise up himself – not even once – Yu still believed he wouldn’t mind it fulfilled.

He had been making the plans to visit before, but the last year of high school had been pretty rough on him: because of cram school and part-time job Yu could barely afford any trips even on holidays. Yet, after successfully finishing most of his first university year, he felt like he could finally make a plan that would actually work.

***

“Oh, you again, young man,” a woman, carrying a box with newly arrived magazines, noticed Yu while passing by the bookshelves. “Thank you for your patronage! You sure are a regular here by now.”

“I guess I am,” Yu chuckled and looked around. “I prefer to choose books in person and you’ve got the widest choice of all the bookstores around here. I can’t but admire your place for that.”

“Well, with what an avid reader you are, a rich assortment is something that may indeed be important for you,” the employee chuckled.

A shy smile tugged on the corners of Yu’s lips as he shifted his gaze to the shelves again.

“I do read some of them too but.. they are mostly for another person.”

“Oh,” the woman’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “A friend?”

“Yes. A friend.”

“Hmm, that’s unusual...” she hummed but then quickly followed up: “Oh, don’t misunderstand me, please, there’s nothing wrong with it! I just.. don’t think I’ve seen people buying books for someone else on such a regular occasion.” She grinned. “Your friend must surely appreciate your choices.”

Yu’s smile inadvertently turned somewhat wry at the phrasing.

“I’m not quite sure that’s the case.”

“Huh?” the woman blinked. “You mean, they don’t thank you for the books you buy them??”

“They do, but mostly tell me what they disliked about them after finishing. So I can only guess if they enjoyed a book enough or not,” Yu gave out a short laugh and rubbed his neck. “I want to find at least 3 books for a birthday present this time – something my friend would really like – but I’m having a hard time choosing anything I’d be confident in. They’re quite.. a picky reader.”

“A challenge, huh?” the woman snickered enthusiastically as she put the box with magazines down on the floor and neared the shelf too. “Well, let’s try finding something that even this ‘picky reader’ would enjoy!”

Smiling, Yu nodded.

“Could you tell me a little about your friend and what he’s like?” contemplating while exploring the bookshelves, the woman brought her hand to her chin. “So I could understand their tastes a bit better.”

Yu raised his eyes to the higher shelves and pondered for a couple of moments.

“..It’s complicated to describe them,” he admitted at last. “Probably because they are a complicated person themselves. Contradictory almost.”

“Something I would expect from a hard-to-please reader,” the woman chuckled. “I get a feeling they’re quite snobbish, aren’t they?”

“In a way, yeah,” Yu chuckled. “But mostly they’re just stubborn, trying to cling to their views even in situations where these views don’t make much sense.”

He crouched down and began exploring the lower shelves.

“..But at the same time, I guess they are wise in many of their opinions, too,” he added. “The way they see through the trickiest shortcomings of this world and society is almost admirable sometimes.”

“That.. um.. _is_ rather contradictory.”

“Yeah,” Yu chuckled as he reached for one of the books with a title that he remembered seeing in the recent rankings. “But it’s surprisingly captivating to watch these contradictions unfold. And exciting to address them.”

He started to inspect the back cover of the book, but his mind was already somewhere else.

“..They also always find it easy to say something negative and pessimistic, even when it’s actually the opposite of what they think or want to believe in,” the corners of Yu’s lips relaxed and turned up on their own as he continued. “And they’ll show kindness when you expect it least but also need it most. Not overt and “conventional” kindness because they’re terrible at being honest. But it’s.. the empowering, genuine brand of kindness that you don’t have to question, because you know the costs paid for showing it. And you won’t find anything like it anywhere else...”

He let out a short laugh as he shook his head and glanced at the book store employee from below, flashing a guilty smile at her.

“I’m not helping to understand much with all this, am I?”

“If only the fact that you love your eccentric friend dearly,” the woman laughed softly.

The words stunning him, Yu slowly shifted his gaze back to the book and kept mindlessly staring at the cover for a while.

“Oh! I’ve got an idea,” unknowingly interrupting Yu’s inner train of thought, the employee fished some flyers out of the front pocket of her blue working apron. “Why don’t you gift your friend a coupon to our store? This way this “picky reader” will be able to choose a few books that they won’t dislike at all on their own!”

There was an awkward moment of silence before Yu, his eyes on the shelves and hands clenching the book he was holding, finally forced out the answer.

“They.. can’t go out to a store, I’m afraid.”

Heavy silence lingered for a few more seconds.

“..Oh,” having realized that the topic was quite fragile, the woman lowered her eyes as she slowly put the coupons back. “I’m.. sorry.”

As he stood up to his height, Yu shook his head in a wordless ‘never mind’. He should have seen where the talk was heading and had many chances to prevent this turn on his own. Instead, he knowingly chose to indulge in the conversation that – even for a few minutes – helped him ignore the key, bitter facts.

“I think I’ll take this one for now and give it a read first,” he smiled apologetically, seeing how abashed and lost the employee looked, and raised the book in his hand. “The back cover says it’s got two more volumes of continuation. So I might come get them next time if the start is good enough.”

***

The meeting room wasn’t any different from the one he’d visited 2 years ago and those he’d seen throughout the past year of getting his law enforcement degree. The only difference was the fact that when he stepped inside, he already spotted a familiar figure behind the thick glass.

Yu took a slow deep breath and curled up the fingers of his both hands before proceeding further in the room.

The moment he neared the glass, the head on the other side tilted a little to the side.

“Well, look who’s _finally_ found some time to spare, huh?” Adachi snickered.

Looking at a mischievous smile on a pale face and hearing a familiar voice coming out of the room's speaker holes, Yu sensed a pleasant, warm tingle overwhelm his body.

“I would’ve visited earlier if you’d invited me,” replying with a heartfelt laugh, he sat down.

“You’ve invited _yourself_ 2 years ago, remember? Told you, though: proper studying doesn’t leave much time for traveling.”

“I did have enough for correspondence,” Yu pointed out.

“Well, yeah. But maybe would’ve gotten a better grade on that entrance exam if you’d spent more time and money on text-books instead of the stuff you send me,” Adachi teased.

“What I got was enough for passing so I’ve got no regrets,” Yu assured him, chuckling. “I’ve brought three more books with me, by the way. Hope it’s something you’ll enjoy.”

“Well, hope’s your hard habit,” Adachi noted playfully. “But wow, three! That’s gonna take me more time than usually.”

“Just wanted to make at least something special for your birthday,” Yu offered a soft smile.

Adachi’s eyebrows flew up.

“..Oh,” he chuckled dryly. “..So it’s today, huh?”

Yu blinked in surprise.

“You forgot about it?”

“Well, uh,” Adachi chuckled nervously again and looked down on his handcuffs, “..I just.. usually have zero freaking idea what day of the week or month it is here, haha…”

Yu instinctively lowered his eyes to Adachi’s hands too

– and immediately shuddered at the sight of the raw wounds circling them. Blood was on the skin, on the metal, and on the surface of the table.

It took a few seconds for Yu to realize that those weren’t just recent wounds, but fresh and heavily _bleeding_ ones.

“Not really a fan of that ‘drawing sticks on the wall’ trope, you know. So I’m only more or less aware of the weekends, because that’s when the city investigators don’t come for another one of their interrogation sessions…”

“..Adachi..-san, your-..” Yu couldn’t help but stutter in shock, watching unnaturally large pools of blood steadily being formed on the table.

“..and I can get some real freaking rest until they get back and drag me into that hell again,” Adachi went on, paying no mind to his own hands and ignoring Yu’s growing horror. “And then again. And again, from the very start, repeating everything, adding more and more stupid lies – but it’s never enough. And all this has no fucking end in sight…”

“Adachi-san, please, don’t move and wait here,” Yu already got to his feet, ready to head for the door.

“I’ll just live in this jail till I rot in it without even receiving a sentence, I guess?” He forced out a chuckle. “Endless detention, eh… Hey, is this a death or a life sentence, what do you think? Like, _legally_. Or maybe it’s both combined?”

“Please, just a moment, I’ll go call for someone to-…”

Yu already grabbed the doorknob but had to freeze at the words from behind his back.

“....Help me, Yu-kun.”

The words, said in a low, tired voice, made him shrink away with acute pain.

He slowly turned around – and almost winced as Adachi, who suddenly appeared right next to him, buried the pale face in his left shoulder.

“..Help me, _please_ ,” Adachi repeated so quietly Yu could barely hear him. “End all of this somehow. _Anyhow_. I’m tired of living in this never-ending pendency, of being a suspect in this weird case forever, of being treated like a miserable psycho, I’m _so fucking sick_ of it all...”

Biting down on his lower lip hard, Yu shut his eyes.

“I’m begging you, kid, _do_ _something_ , will you?” Adachi muttered as he clenched the front of Yu’s shirt with his left hand.

Handcuffs were cut at the chain but remained on his wrists.

Blood was still there, too.

“Adachi-san, I’d…” his heart sinking, Yu managed to get out a few words and unsurely touched Adachi’s back with his left hand. “I’d gladly help, but…”

“..It hurts you to see me like this too, right?”

“...there’s simply.. nothing I can do for you to-…”

“..I’m someone you once had ‘feelings’ for after all, aren’t I?”

Yu stuttered to a halt and gulped at the question they both perfectly knew the answer to.

A few moments later, he parted his dry lips and took a slow, shaky breath of scorching air.

“…I can’t do anything to help you, Adachi-san, I’m sorry,” he finally forced himself to say. “No matter how much I want to. Right now I’m completely powerless, and I-…”

“Or maybe..” ignoring the words, Adachi slightly raised his face from Yu’s shoulder, peering into his face, “..you _still_ have them _now_?”

Petrified, Yu was staring back at the unclear, blurred features of a vaguely familiar face. These past two years he only had a chance to see Adachi on the photos attached to the case copies that he kept requesting from Naoto. But those photos never showed the lively image of Adachi he knew.

The image that was slowly but steadily fading out of his memory..

“Do you.. still have them, Yu-kun?”

..while the feelings stubbornly weren’t.

Sensing Adachi’s hand crawl up from his chest up to the shoulder, Yu heard his own heartbeat grow faster and louder. He didn’t notice when his right hand lifted and touched Adachi’s left cheek – and then cupped his face, digging the fingers in the soft, disheveled hair behind his ear.

The next thing Yu knew was him closing his eyes, leaning down to Adachi’s lips, and pressing his own lips against them. He felt Adachi clutch his right arm through the shirt sleeve, grabbing it like a lifeline, drenching the fabric in his blood – and start kissing Yu back with the same desperation that his voice had been steeped in just a moment ago.

The intimacy intoxicating him, Yu put his other hand on Adachi’s lower back and pressed his body closer to himself, as if wanting to share his pain. Absorb it. Shield from it. No matter how much of it was deserved, no matter how long the effect would linger, no matter what others would even think of this and how much they would judge it.

Right here and now he barely cared about any of that.

Letting out a soft, quiet moan in the kiss, Yu gently stroked Adachi’s earlobe with his thumb. For this moment to bring some genuine warmth, to give some healing comfort, and erase – even if temporarily – all the suffering that Adachi had submitted himself to and was going through, was simply everything that he could–..

Yu’s eyes flew open and fixed on the dark ceiling of his silent, empty bedroom.

...–dream of.

Bangs sticking to the forehead, covered in sweat, and chest heaving rapidly, Yu spent the next few moments in a confused daze, trying to draw the line between reality and his dream. Which he, regretfully enough, remembered so well he could still feel the warm body in his arms and chapped lips brushing against his own.

As full realization set in, Yu covered his face with his palm and squeezed his eyes shut, giving in to the heartwrenching agony that he could do absolutely _nothing_ to tame. 

***

“I need this to reach the destination by tomorrow morning,” Yu said, giving his package to the post office employee. “Will it be possible?”

“..To Okina by Saturday, huh,” the man pondered for a while. “Only with express shipping, sir.”

“All right,” Yu nodded and got out his wallet. “How much?”

“Just a minute.”

While the employee was busy registering the package, Yu inspected the 2 pieces of paper he accidentally spotted in his wallet.

First was the check confirming the cancellation of the ticket that he had bought about 3 weeks ago. Pressing his lips together, he scrunched it up and threw in the bin nearby.

He had finally realized that he’d been putting off the visit not because of his busy schedule. Or, more precisely, he had finally _accepted_ what he’d known about the actual reasons deep inside for the past 2 years. And unlike a schedule, these reasons weren’t easy to sort out, so he had no idea _when_ he would be able to fulfill his promise.

What he knew for sure was that if he tried doing it now, it would just tear out a huge hole in him once again. 

The second piece of paper Yu got out his wallet was a dark-red business card that he remembered receiving from Naoto not so long ago. A card with a name and contact information of someone in charge of a certain secret department in Public Safety.

After staring at it for a few moments, Yu took out his phone.


End file.
